"Which foot is it, Dave?!" Brain fog blunders and why they don't matter...

I saw a post on a yoga teacher forum yesterday that made me feel really quite sad.  The teacher was expressing concerns about how her perimenopause symptoms were making teaching yoga difficult.  The teacher was particularly concerned about brain fog and how she would often forget what she was doing, which was of concern particularly when new people joined her classes as she was worried what they must think of her.  My heart really went out to this teacher. 

Imagine doing something you love, but feeling like your hormones are ransacking it, to the point you worry people will stop coming to your classes.  From this, I began to reflect upon my own experience as a yoga teacher and I realised, I am exceptionally lucky.

In the past I have talked openly about perimenopause and my own experience of it, I have tried to encourage others to do the same, and I talk openly about it when I am teaching.  For example, very recently, I forgot to put on my HRT patch; by the time it got to Wednesday and my chair yoga class I was two days without my much-needed oestrogen boost and my teaching cues were a car crash.  I was honest, I told them I had realised I had forgotten my HRT and as such my brain fog was immense, we laughed a lot, and every time I cued something wrong someone would say something like ‘she means the other side!’  Everyone understood and was good natured, and everyone came back the next week.

Another time, I was teaching yoga at the Aquarium (a class where I am hired as a professional yoga teacher) and I couldn’t decipher the lower leg from the upper leg.  Yes, you read that right.  We were laid on our backs stretching one leg at a time and I wanted the class to keep their thigh at a right angle to their body and then bend and straighten at the knee to target the hamstring muscles.  Before I go further, I should explain I can’t easily decipher left from right and my spatial awareness isn’t all that.  Add a dose of brain fog into the mix and in that moment for the life of me I could not work out what was the lower leg and what was the upper leg.  So, the following came out of my mouth: ‘bend and straighten the knee so just the top of the leg moves, no wait, the lower leg, erm what I am trying to say is bend and straighten the knee so only the bit of the leg with the foot attached to it moves!’  Even I said ‘wow’ at myself and everyone laughed. 

Another absolute blinder of a brain fog blunder was just a couple of weeks ago.  In all my classes I say left and right as little as possible, the class mirror me, and I use landmarks in the room to cue directions.  However, sometimes left and right are unavoidable.  I wear odd socks when I teach to help me to remember which foot is which, the class witness me raise my hand as if I am holding a pen as I decipher that is my right hand.  And still, I can’t always grasp left from right.  During this particular class, I had to switch ends of my mat, to face the other direction to demonstrate the other side.  When I change the direction I am facing it makes left and right even more difficult.  In this class I just couldn’t work out which foot we needed to move and which foot we had moved previously.  There was no point in dithering about it and keeping people waiting whilst I tried to work it out, instead I laughed and said to the very kind man on the mat nearest to me ‘which foot is it, Dave?!’  Again, we laughed and again everyone came back next week.  (Also, thanks, Dave!)

My point here is not to highlight myself as an incompetent yoga teacher, although you might now be wondering!  My point is to express the gratitude I feel to those who come to my classes and to highlight their understanding and compassion.  I absolutely do have plenty of moments like above, regularly in fact, sometimes a body part name will completely escape me (usually something simple like ‘arm’!)  But on the flipside, I had a new lady join one of my classes this week who said my cueing was excellent, to the point where she hardly had to look to see my demonstrations.  I regularly get messages of thanks after class and am recommended to others who are looking for yoga classes.  And because of this kindness, I rarely feel nervous teaching my weekly classes.  Which is why I feel so sad for the teacher on the forum who is so worried about people abandoning her classes.

I really believe if we are all honest about what we are experiencing, whatever it is, people are (or should be) inclined to be understanding and kind.  I laugh about my brain fog and my difficulty in telling left from right, and everyone understands.  Interesting fact, consistently struggling to decipher left from right can be a sign of dyslexia.  I found out quite recently, following an extensive professional assessment that I am in fact dyslexic.  This shows there is a reason for my struggle, one that even I wasn’t aware of.  People ARE kind, no one has ever got mad at me because I can’t tell my left from right, even when I couldn’t explain why I struggle with it, nobody demanded an explanation or told me to get better at it.  People ARE kind. 

Away from yoga, and this may or may not surprise you, I sometimes suffer with (at times crippling) anxiety.  I struggle with socialising, I catastrophise, I doubt myself to the point where I think I am good for nothing.  I can arrive at class feeling truly awful.  I always leave feeling better.  Always.  Yoga is where I feel peaceful and content.  And this isn’t anything to do with my teaching ability.  It is because between us, we have created a community of kind, understanding people, where we can all be ourselves. 

So, to the yoga teacher who is doubting herself, I would say, just be you, be open and honest.  If people don’t come back that's ok, because they will make space for people who will bring joy, understanding and compassion to your yoga community.  And that really is very special.

With love and gratitude to my wonderful SO..Yoga community, and love and support to anyone who is doubting themselves. 

I will close with this: People ARE kind, so please, be kind to yourself.

Steph xx